Regime Changer Kit - P.O.A.
Our flagship product has been improved up to and beyond Ukraine standards and comes complete with a C.I.A. approved sock puppet president. We are working on a fascist filter to stop those embarrassing S.S. units from reforming.
The standard kit comes complete with a drone unit and an infantry battalion of your choice, upgradable to mechanised at no extra cost. SEAL teams are currently unavailable due to most of them retiring to write books.
The deluxe kit comes with all the above, a team of tame media ready for embedding, foreign police and military uniforms for those false flag assassinations, and a letter from your mother, or a mother of your choice, stating you are allowed to kill people in the name of God.
In fact, getting the actual permission from the God of your choice can be arranged at little extra cost. Be aware, however, that some Gods are already under contract to various Prime Ministers and Presidents, and may not be available at this time.
Cathar-b-q
Press Conference Training Kit - 5,000 gold krugerrands.
Telling horrendous lies whilst keeping a straight face might come naturally to politicians and their ilk, but humans can find it quite difficult at times. That’s where our Training Kit comes in handy. It comes with a facsimile of your mother, who always knew when you were lying, used to practice your bald-faced lies up to a standard where even she is fooled. There are language courses included, encompassing bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo, techno-babble up to and surpassing Star Trek standards, pentagonical acronymese, journalistic claptrap, Fox News obfuscation, politician prattle, and politically correct pigin. You will never need to be truthful ever again, even when confronted with irrefutable evidence. We guarantee that no one will have a clue as to what you are rabbiting on about. Not even yourself.
As used by George W Bush at his White House prayer breakfasts. Even God had no clue about what George was on about.
Mission Accomplished Kit - 10,000 Golden Splunders.
Standard Version
1 military style flight suit
1 military helicopter
5,000 cheering sailors
1 extra large banner
Television coverage
Executive Version also includes for extra 50 Golden Splunders
1 large aircraft carrier*
Prime time television coverage
Guest spot on Fox News or Jerry Springer
1 WMD with words “product of U.S.A.” filed off
*without operational GPS so nobody knows the vessel is not in the Persian Gulf or other war zone.
Televangelist Kit - 30 pieces of silver
Become the earthly representative of the God of your choice. Using our kit could see you as the next Henny Binn or Jimmy Swagger.
The kit includes -
1 Bible with your name substituted for the prophet or redeemer of your choice*
1 set of extra books with a Certificate of Authenticity proving you dug up this information in your own backyard; and written to your specifications
1 megachurch built in your own likeness, with floodlighting, searchlights, fountains etc, and also including your own private helipad, and a souvenir shop
1 solid gold Rolls Royce
1 chauffeur who is an illiterate deaf-mute and is sworn to secrecy
1 false moustache for those kerb crawling evenings
1 Bible cover specially reinforced for those heavy thumping sessions
1 pair novelty crying spectacles for those public confessions of extreme naughtiness
1 television station, so you can keep at the punters 24/7
1 large photograph of you and the God of your choice enjoying a fishing holiday together. For a small extra fee, we can have you both walking on the water
*We recommend you provide your own Ten Commandments, it could save you a lot of trouble down the track.
PLEASE NOTE: If you want to represent Lord Yackerboom, piss be upon him, be aware he takes 25% off the top.
Noisy Minority Kit - 3,576 Buckazoids
Even this Corporation grudging agrees that people should be treated equally. We realise, however, that sometimes you want to force your fringe views on the world, and we created this kit to assist your endeavours
The kit includes -
1 poet-in-residence to assist in developing those catchy chants
1 spellchecker to avoid embarrassing misspelt placards
1 training manual to help you crowd around a news camera, making your small group look like a huge turnout
1 set baby prams with dolls to help avoid arrest. Live babies can be provided at extra cost
1 guitar strumming hippie
1 bongo drum carrier. Actually playing costs extra
1 book “Sitting In The Middle Of The Road For Dummies” *
1 priest outfit to show God is on your side. Actually having a preacher inside it costs extra
1 pkt firelighters to ensure burning trash cans on even the wettest of nights
1 set lily-livered politicians guaranteed to kow-tow to your demands
1 spokesperson who knows a few big words and how to pronounce them
*camper stools can be provided on cold or wet occasions, donated by the Anti Piles Collective
Corporate Journalist Kit - 17 bars ‘latinum
This kit is indispensable for those aspiring to becoming a government stenographer and mouthpiece for the ruling elite.
The kit includes -
1 pencil/eraser combination to easily remove truths and facts
1 truth redacter
1 book “Believing Military Spokespersons For Dummies”
1 sleeping bag for comfortable embedding
1 ‘I Love Lois Lane’ badge
1 book “Idiot’s Guide To Lies And How To Believe Them”
1 years membership to the A.A.
1 book “Pulitzer Prizes And How To Buy One”
1 membership of Reporteurs Sans Ethiques
1 brownnose stain remover
1 combover guide
1 pantsuit set
1 pair rose coloured glasses
1 nose restrainer to combat Pinoccio Syndrome
Our new Division - Starts first Monday after Shrove Tuesday
Cloth shortage? Metal shortage? What do you mean?
Our Rags And Old Iron Division - Starts at your nearest military base first Wednesday after the next defeat. As recommended by General Diz-Aster of the 9th Gate Legion.
Organisational Chart - Neocon Warmongers Association
